'Wolverine' Review: Sabretooth Kills a Hobbit

*Spoilers*


Saw X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE last night. I liked it. The way people were carrying on I thought it would be awful but it really wasn't. Could it have been better? Sure. Could it have been worse? Oh, most definitely. Do the words "Brett Ratner" ring a bell?

I would have liked to have taken a little more time, of course, work on some actual character development. Instead we're whipped along from one action scene to another so fast I wouldn't have caught half the characters' names except that I already knew who they were supposed to be. But I thought it was visually done pretty well, and it kept me entertained. Yes, it was mostly eye-candy, but I don't mind that. I liked the snarky Sabretooth and I thought they pulled Gambit off pretty well. Would have liked a little more of the WOLVERINE AND GAMBIT comedy show, of course, but I guess I just don't get my expectations up for these movies like I used to, and it leads to less bitching. I mean really, I might as well be yelling about the weather or the price of gas for all the good it does.

I think besides more Gambit I would've mostly liked a little more time with Striker's team of mutants at the beginning, I don't know what they called themselves. You know, Logan and Victor and Wade and the Korean dude and that guy from the Black-Eyed Peas and the guy who played Blob who kinda sounded like Buffalo Bill from SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. Oh, and Merry. Every elite strike force should bring a hobbit along, for good luck if nothing else.

And yes, I know they messed up some of the characters, and the Deadpool fans are annoyed about some stuff, but again, you know, what did you expect? Yes, a more faithful, perhaps R-rated take on the X-books would be nice, but it's not gonna happen until FOX loses the rights to the franchise, so just relax and take what you can get. Oh, and I know that Gambit didn't actually have his trademark accent, but it's okay, because that accent is one that can go really wrong really easily, and if you can't pull it off don't try. It's like the yellow spandex, it might look good on the page, but on that big screen it's gonna get silly pretty quick.

I would like to point out one thing that really makes me laugh. Okay, so we're going to save these mutants from an island, huh? Since there are two people from LOST in this movie and we have to take a plane to get there, I'm assuming we're going to some cool remote island in the middle of a lake or the ocean or something. Oh wait, never mind.

Three Mile Island? Really? You had to fly there?? And jump out of the damn plane??? "This is really gonna hurt." Of course it is, stupid, the Susquehanna River is barely four feet deep! We've had rain every day this month and it still wouldn't be up to Jackman's shoulders! You know what, TMI is less than 200 YARDS from the eastern shore, and there are TWO BRIDGES, just walk over. Didn't look to be any security anyway. Damn. And I love how long it took police and fire crews to show up. If an unscheduled SIREN blows at TMI people call 911. Seriously, every single time they need to test a siren there are warnings on the news for a week ahead of time.

Though it was pretty cool to see a climactic battle of devastating mutant mayhem take place nearby. Sweet.

Anyway. In conclusion, I liked WOLVERINE. I've got no real complaints about the movie, I just wish there had been more to it. And maybe a little more naked Hugh Jackman.

By the way, my mom LOVED this movie. She instantly wanted to buy it. I honestly think she liked it ten times more than I did.


And one more thing, watch this, it's funny Deadpool stuff...




Okay, I'm out.