Jesus hates postcards.

Sometimes I get totally random urges to watch certain things. I can't explain them, really, they just come and go.

JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR is on Hulu now, and I just sat and watched it a few hours ago. Don't know why. Maybe I subconsciously thought I would sleep better after being weirded out on entirely new levels.

This movie, released in 1973 and based on the musical stage show of the same name by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Time Rice, may be one of the most profoundly silly things I have ever seen. It would've seemed goofy, really, if everyone in the movie hadn't been taking it so damn seriously.

Maybe it's because I missed the late sixties/ early seventies era that spawned this thing. Really, I was fifteen minutes into it and I just suddenly thought "Does it smell like pot in here?" I've come to the conclusion that it's probably a good thing that the sixties stopped happening.

I didn't like the songs. At all. I've got nothing against musicals, there are quite a few of them that I like. Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice also wrote EVITA, which I'm honestly quite fond of, in point of fact. Maybe I just don't get opera, I don't know. It just seems lazy to have half your song be made up singing the same line eight or nine hundred times. And whenever Jesus was singing and just randomly did his little Robert Plant wail, well, I laughed. A lot.

I did enjoy watching this movie, though, because it lends itself very, VERY easily to riffing. I had such a good time with that it made me wish someone else was there to hear it. My favorite part was the JESUS MAD, JESUS SMASH! scene when he lays the smack down on the souvenir shop set up in the temple, that was great. Wire racks of postcards flying everywhere! Awesome.


On the other hand, there was the fat guy who played Barry Shalowitz in the CITY SLICKERS movies, shirtless, doing his disturbing little King Herod song and dance. That gave me nightmares. Do NOT look directly at his gut, it will try to claim your soul. Even the Roman guards at the end are like, "Wow, sorry dude, we didn't know he was gonna be like that. We'll just get back to the whipping."


And finally, there's this...

What do you say about this? If you notice Judas around 3:06, you'll see the exact expression I watched this scene with. Actually, I probably looked like that through most of the film. Should a Jesus movie make you say "What the fuck was that?" so many times? o.O

I don't want this to turn into a theological debate. I'm not a religious person, these opinions are simply based on this silly, silly movie that I'm sure was rich in deeper meaning and artistic symbolism that I missed because I was too busy laughing through my nose. I mean, the second the priests with the giant pillow hats and cough drop plates on their chests show up, the film loses whatever chances it had of me taking it seriously at all...


The upside? There are a few songs that have been referenced in MST3k episodes through the years that I finally know the origins of. Speaking of which, I would LOVE to see a RiffTrax made for this movie.

On a related note, one of my 100 favorite movies, THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, has it's annual Easter weekend showing on ABC at 7 p.m. tonight. I love this film, possibly because Yul Brynner was so friggin' awesome. But to be fair, I riff this movie too. And every time a character says Moses twice, you have to do a shot.

Is it okay to have a drinking game for a bible movie?

Hey Crabman.

I really do plan to do something with this someday soon maybe. In the meantime, here is Eddie Steeples from MY NAME IS EARL in an OFFICE MAX commercial.


Because it makes me smile, that's why!!